HOW MUM DROVE ME INTO AIDS

HOW MUM DROVE ME INTO AIDS:

Dear ma,

Let me begin by thanking you for carrying me in your womb, but had I known the pain my birth would subsequently cost me, I would have preferred to have been stillborn.

Mum, do you remember when I asked you about my fees for college, and you came out clean of your “sacrifice” for us to survive on this world?

I did not know that you led a double life. That behind the façade of a saint mum, you were actually a prostitute. Probably that’s why you sent me to a boarding school way earlier.

I glibly took it that you were a long suffering saint incapable of any wrong doing. And when you became sick, it was there I came face to face with the reality of your job as drunk, irresponsible and philandering men who had paid you earlier in advance started demanding their pay back.

If you can’t beat them, join them! You had sacrificed for me and now I took it upon me the same calling and tie the same shoes as you urged me on. Bills had to be paid and food to be bought. I had to make a choice. I became a twilight girl, a whore, a prostitute, a sex worker, an object of desire, disgusting at face value yet pleasant at secret expeditions.

It was my unregretful choice- my answer. I had to rationalize the disgusting behavior of bringing home different men every other night and having lusty leg lifts on my creaky bed. Mum, I had to put up with the loud shrieks and moans of ecstasy, followed by fights and foul language.

As I lie on my creaky bed at the general hospital; I know that I don’t deserve any mercy from you. A stone throw away from my bed, I see you mum-so weak, sad and mourning, but how I wish I could whisper in your ear and let you know that you should wipe away your tears.

I know the whole world will judge us as they already have started. The other night I over heard the nurses talking of how disgusting it was to work at that ward. Mum, AIDS was the hazard in our occupation and as they say, every occupation has its own hazards. Mum, my heart rejoices knowing as much as you sacrificed for me, I did sacrifice back for you and to me that indeed is love!

Mum, we die as unsung heroes and not a disgrace. Isn’t it better to die than live and be contaminated by our corrupt society?

I love you ma!