“WHY HE DIDN’T CALL YOU BACK!”

 

Movies! Romantic movies, we all love them. From “The Notebook”’ which is one of my hall of fame and all time favorite, to “Titanic”; the list is endless. You know the romantic old fashioned chismo where at the end of the night, every girl dreams the man will walk her to where she is to take a cab-call it keeping chivalry alive as my friend Biko writes in The Saturday Nation’s pull out on relationships.

Infact, he is the man behind this piece-the inspiration to write this. But I am getting way ahead of myself and spoiling this great story. Where was I? Oh, yeah, then it gets to that weird moment where he asks if he can call you (you, here being the lady) again and you say yes.

That is a practical and genuine date scene, even though, even though it seems dead and lousy in the face-that may lead to another date.

But let us now be honest. Sometimes dates do not go so well and people sit by the phone waiting for it to ring, but it never does.

But when you replay the date in your head, you will, no doubt, find the reason why you were not called. Is it something you did, hinted or said? Yes. Well, there are things you will do that will not get you a call-back. Here are just but a few:

v  The last thing any guy wants to hear on a first date is how broke you are. My pal calls it: “sisi tuna shida zetu, tusikilize zako kwa nini?” (We have our own issues too, why listen to yours? Keep your financial woes to yourself.) Come on, even the Government itself I broke.

v  Child talk: I have respect for single mothers-they are women of valor. Victors and never victims, but when everything you talk about is, “oh my son Ryan! My son this, my son that!” SNORE!

v  This is old hat: there are many jokes made about men, this but there is a big problem when your date is known at the “local” the minute you step in. it is okay to mix your whiskey and your Amarula. In fact, it is fine to mix your wine and whiskey. Hell, go ahead and mix your brandy and gin. But for heaven’s sake, make sure you do not throw up on the barman-or us! Ask any guy, or even ask Uncle Google; there is nothing less sexy for man to watch that the antics of a drunken woman.

v  Don’t be loud! Trust me loud women are fun; and please mark that word: ONLY; when they are your friend or relative-or if they are singing their heart’s out on a karaoke stage. On a first date- it is scary and draws attention.

v  The ex-debate. Do I have to repeat on this? Ladies, we are not your shrinks on a first date! Bummer. So we are not going to sit and listen to a diatribe about your ex, and then pay the bill. At least shrinks get paid to listen.

v  Boring! Boring! Boring! Then there is that small matter that you might have been a royal bore.